Facebook is a blessing and curse all rolled into one.  As I look and read posts about the Cameroon National Day on May 20th, I play memories in my mind from our life and times in Cameroon.  We’re still adjusting to our lives and times here in the USA.  You can read more on adjustment in a previous post.

I’ve been reflecting more lately about how I “fit” here.  There is part of me that wants to just hide away because I can blend, however, there is another side of me that wants to scream out that I’ve lived this whole other life in a foreign land that I grieve.  You know how everything is always more pleasant the longer you’ve been removed – well, I’m even missing conversations in French.  (I never thought those thoughts or words would come from me).  I purchased a purse in Cameroon from a widow group.  These women make and sell fabric items to support themselves.  I love the purse.  It’s Cameroon fabric, has tons of inner pockets which I love because those who know me know I love everything in it’s own place and it’s my own little piece of Cameroon that I outwardly carry.  I’ve received many compliments and have been asked where to purchase a purse like it.  Sadly, my purse is starting to fray.  I should only look at the positive side of it that I’ve carried it on three continents and it’s held up so well, but I’m sad that I’ll need to find a different purse to carry – I won’t have this outward piece of Cameroon hanging from my shoulder.

Another area is cocoa powder.  The cocoa powder in Cameroon is heavenly – dark, wonderful and aromatic.  Joshua asked me to make a chocolate with frosting from scratch for a school event.  I did and I had to get the last bag of the Cameroon cocoa powder out of the freezer to make it.  I’m thankful I brought enjoy back to last a year, however, sad that this is my last bag and another step further away from Cameroon.

On a completely different note, daily life was harder in Cameroon, however, I’m thankful for making everything from scratch so the boys could experience that.  It tickles me that they will request food I made there from my own substitutes and want it like I made in Cameroon.  It tickles me they request chocolate cake and frosting from scratch.  It tickles me they will request my homemade mac & cheese and don’t like the box kind.  Just those little things that are slivers of silver shining through.